i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
