I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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