i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
