my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
