I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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