I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
