The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
