I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
