I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
