i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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