Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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