I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
