I smell stomach acid.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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