I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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