Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
