On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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