There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
