but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
