It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
