i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Randomize
