You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
