I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When are your genitals available?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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