can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize
