his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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