So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
