yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
