laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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