i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
