what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
