Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
