So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
