booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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