You're my little dorito
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize