What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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