Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
