we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
