i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize