Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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