Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
