Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
