i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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