is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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