It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize