the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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