what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
