he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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