I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize