So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
