I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
