why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
