I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
