just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
