i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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