You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize