one word: firstdatebathroomanal
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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