my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i think i just lost a toe
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
