i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
