thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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