problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
