wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
