someone threw a dead crab at me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
