I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
