so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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