I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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