grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
