You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
