My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
