am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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