Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
