no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i think i have two assholes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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