Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize