Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
