he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
