Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the day after is always just damage control
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
