That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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