Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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