clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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