So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
