Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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