Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
