Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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