Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
