Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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