I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize