I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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