Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You need a sexual gate keeper
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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