Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
