This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
