no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The best revenge is premature balding
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
