Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
it glows. i had to have it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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