I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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