Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
