Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
