She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
