i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
