After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
