When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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