She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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